Not What Love ‘Used to Be’

Curled up in our beds recovering and detoxing from spring break, my amazing roommate has sent me screen shots from Vsco (her new-found love). Vsco (which is apparently predominantly used by girls) is a social media platform much like Instagram, however, users cannot post comments or ‘Like’ images.

The screen shots she sent were all truthful, funny, and clearly articulated perspectives regarding love and shit boyfriends. What I have found interesting is how many of the quotes she found intending to target “fuck boys” generalized all men and boys. They generalize them in such a way to presume all men are lying, cheating, dirtbags who are only interested in a hot sexy piece of ass and they want a different flavor each week. I cannot help but wonder if other social media circuits discuss girls, in the same manner, grouping us all into the crazy, clingy jealous bitch categories.  The below image sent to me struck this cord.

It talks about what love used to be.IMG_1826.PNG Not to be cynical, but love is a difficult concept for me to grasp (a topic for later discussion) what I often do not admit when I debate love with my friends (the guys ironically) is that I do in fact know I am capable of love.

love my family, I loved my dog, and yes, I loved a boy.

loved a boy who sent me good morning texts for nearly 2 years (they, and our relationship, tapered off when we went to colleges 6 hours apart).

I would call him at midnight if I had a bad dream, or when I was walking back to my dorm from the Lib.

He was and remains the only person I could nap with (I cannot take naps, not even yesterday after 4 hours of sleep post traveling all day and teaching 2 dance classes).

Late night drives consisted of us half rushing to be home before the NJ driving curfew, and that one time we almost hit a deer on the Garden state parkway after our usual Buffalo Wild Wings and a movie date.

Yes, he sent me random roses to school one time (actually I had suggested receiving flowers would be a romantic gesture, I had to cut my losses when he sent said flowers the day I was coming home for thanksgiving and then neglected to send anything for our 2-year anniversary two weeks later).

2.5 years after we ended our almost 3 year realtionship, we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other. Until we both frequented the town watering hole over thanksgiving. Truth be told, I don’t hate him. I don’t loath him. I was genuinely over the moon to see him (I had also lost 10 pounds and looked fab!)

Sometimes I miss being able to talk to him on bad days, or I see something and laugh because I know he would laugh too. I even smile when I use my to, too and two correctly because he clarified, “It’s two Os when its agreement, like when I tell you ‘I love you too’” (sometimes he was a cute and charming, total heartthrob).

Neither of us was perfect. We grew up and grew apart, made mistakes, fought over legit and stupid things.

This kind of love is not gone, it is not ‘how it used to be’. It just isn’t easy to find. If it was I wouldn’t be smiling as I write, recalling him picking me up in his white Jeep Grand Cherokee when he heard I had a bad day at school. What I am trying to show the girls is love is not a lost cause, fuck boys do not actually surround us, and I want the boys to know we don’t shit on all of you. We aren’t man haters, we don’t mean to sound vicious and hateful we love you and your good night texts, and we all love to be surprised with flowers (even if we say we don’t). Yeah, a lot of the times you guys suck and end up being lying, cheating dirt bags.

Every now and then you pick us up in your jeeps, kiss our hands when you drive, and still bring us home when we get blackout drunk and yell at you for two hours. In the words of another Vsco quote sent to me, “Don’t date the life of the party, date the one who makes sure everyone gets home.” Trust me those guys are out there.

@hannahearnold tell whoever you got that statement from she is 100% wrong, love didn’t ‘used to be’ anything.


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